Mawar died 2 days ago.
After surviving the surgery last week, Mawar seemed to be going quite well. She ate the cat food and the medicines I gave without much fuss. She slept soundly beside me every night. It was a relieve. Watching her running around the house chasing her favourite tudung saji really made me happy thinking that she would recover soon enough.
But on Tuesday, at about 6.40pm, I found her lying on the kitchen floor with traces of vomit on her nose and mouth. There were excrements on the floor and on her tail, mostly in liquid form.. She was just lying there, unable to even lift her head when I came to pick her up. It was heartbreaking.
I wrapped her in a towel and drove her to the clinic as fast as I could. There, the doctor gave her some water directly to the abdomen (like an IV drip of some sort). I left her there for the night, hoping that she will get better the next day. The doctor assured me she will try her best and call me for update the next morning. I touched Mawar’s head, and went home.
I did not say goodbye.. I won’t.
The next day, after work, I went straight to the clinic, hoping to see Mawar getting better. The nurse came to me and asked if I got the voice message she sent. I said no.
“Mawar died this morning, sir…”, she said.
I could not remember when was the last time I cried. I was fine when I see Mawar on the table, cold and already hardened. It was sad seeing her like that, but I won’t cry. i’m a grown up man.. But when I put her at the backseat and started driving home, I could not control my feelings anymore. She used to sit on my lap, or climb my back whenever I drive with her. But not anymore. She was just lying lifelessly at the back.. I lost my machoness that day. It rained that evening, so I am sure nobody saw me crying in the car.
I am sorry I could not save you…
May you rest in peace, Mawar.